Thursday, March 25, 2010

Jazz on a summers day

It would seem that Drum Corps Melancholy is setting in early this year. I was out in the yard raking, pulled a new trash bag out of the box and shook it out to open it. The wind caught it and it fluttered in the breeze... and suddenly I wasn't in my front yard anymore. I was on a field in Somewhere, USA in mid-July, waiting for the command to back it up and run the opener again. I was in Pembroke Pines, Florida standing on the sun drenched practice field at a Saturday camp. I could almost hear the distant call of bugles, the snap of a flag tossed into the air, the beckoning rap of a stick on a snare. But, no, just my front yard, wind chimes tinkling like mallets on a vibraphone. Is it June yet?

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Brave New World

This week I am taking my first steps into an unfamiliar world. The world of... the housewife.

Disclaimer: I am not disparaging the housewife. Women who are patient-or-wealthy-or-self sacrificing-or-smart-or-crazy enough to do it have my respect. It's probably the hardest and least appreciated job there is. That, or hotel maid during Spring Break. My problem is that I have been a full time working professional since 1990. Now unemployed, I find myself unable to let go of old habits. Housecleaning is to be done on Saturday. Laundry on Sunday. Dinner is at 7:30. This was my world for nearly twenty years and I am finding it exeedingly difficult to break out of this routine.

My days thus far have been spent scouring want ads, sending out feelers, attending job fairs, networking. I have polished my resume until its reflection can be seen from space. Other than that, I have felt disorganized, unfocused. Twitchy. If the last few months of job-seeking are any indication, I am not soon to be back in the 9-5 world. I may even be (gulp) unemployable. I have the experience but not the education. "Eleven years in an office? Great! Where's your BA? Don't have one? Oh. Well, thanks anyway."

So... I have applied for financial aid, applied to the local community college and sent off a copy of my high school transcript. Hope someone at the college can read Arameic. If all goes well I will be sitting in a classroom come May. In the meantime, I might as well take the opportunity to make a new routine. With one eye on the bank account I am now attempting to get my Donna Reed on.

I am working on a business venture and am in the design phase of my new website. Once launched, this venture will take up most of my "free" time. The money is the only thing that worries me. Hubby is a subcontractor so we never know how much is coming in. Or when. For now, we are holding steady. If worse comes, we can trim some things. If really bad comes, well... I don't like to think about that too much. Hopefully my venture will take flight and pay off. It will. It must!

So it would seem that I now have time to clean, time to cook a decent meal (or at least try), time to enjoy the great outdoors. Gee... other than the looming threat of financial disaster, I think I might like this housewife thing just fine.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The verdict is... you're a douche.

Since I'm home during daylight hours of late, I have been watching a lot of those "court" shows. You know, People's Court, Judge Judy, et al. They are educational. For example, I have learned to always get things in writing, and to not look for roommates on Craigslist. Today I saw a defense so unique and original that I just can't keep it's awesomeness to myself.
It was another one of those "your pit bull attacked my dog" cases. This one was not as tragic as some. Victim Doggie survived the attack and is pretty much fine now (often not the case). The plaintiff made her case, and the judge turned to the defendant to give the man a chance to explain why he is not responsible for Victim Doggie's medical bills. His defense was multi layered consisting of the following elements:

1) I've never seen this woman before.

2) What was she doing there on this particular day and time?

3) The fact that, when I arrived on the scene, my wife told me that our dog attacked Victim Doggie and then ran off is irrelevant.
4) Her dog looked okay to me.

Lack of veterinary skills aside, apparently in this gentleman's mind, "I don't know you" is a viable option when defending yourself against a lawsuit. It was hilarious. The guy was so belligerent that he actually got a contempt of court fine tacked on to the damages when he (SPOILER ALERT) lost the case.
See? Educational!